Grammar Lessons with the Espada
by KEleison
Summary: Want to be a better writer? Ask Aizen's Espada! Admittedly, some have better advice than others, but all have something to say (even if only because Aizen commands it).
1. Paragraph Breaks

_**Paragraph Breaks**_

* * *

It has come to the attention of Lord Aizen that many have taken it upon themselves to write of the exploits (both real and imagined) of himself and his loyal subjects. These writings, however, are often lacking in rudimentary grammar. Seeing this, Lord Aizen has requested that we, his loyal Espada, offer our assistance in correcting these errors. Although it is not my place to speak before those of the Espada of higher rank, all were content to allow me, Lord Aizen's humble 4th, to go first.

To begin, it would seem that many are confused with the simple matter of paragraph breaks, most particularly when someone is speaking. Allow me to present an example of such an erroneous paragraph:

 **Grimmjow cringed as Aizen spoke. "Why me?" asked the cerulean-haired Espada. "Because you are ruthless, Grimmjow." "Yeah, but why not him?" He pointed at the noirette who stood to one side of the room.**

For purposes of this example, I will ignore the fact that so many writers choose to differentiate us on the basis of hair-color - a practice which I find inefficient, seeing that we do not each have unique hair colors - and shall speak only of the inappropriate lack of paragraph breaks.

* * *

 _Grimmjow: *Snickers.* You wouldn't be saying that about hair color, if you didn't have the same color hair as Nnoitra, would you?_

 _Ulquiorra: Many Arrancar have black hair. It is hardly a useful means of identification._

 _Grimmjow: Only for schmucks like you that have no originality._

* * *

Returning to the subject at hand, a basic rule to remember is that a new paragraph should be introduced when a new character is speaking. If the writer is describing the mood or actions of a character in a single, brief sentence, then he or she may wish to keep said sentence at the start of the paragraph with the character's speech. However, speech should not come at the end of a lengthy paragraph, unless it also begins with speech, nor should extensive non-speech follow dialogue in the same paragraph.

* * *

 _Aizen: Ulquiorra, you may be making this a little more complicated than is necessary. We aren't here to train professional writers._

 _Ulquiorra: *Bows.* Yes, Lord Aizen. I apologize. I will attempt to practice brevity._

 _Grimmjow: Yeah, do that. (Whatever the f- "brevity" is.)_

* * *

A more correct way of writing the above paragraph would be as follows:

 **Grimmjow cringed as Lord Aizen addressed him. "Why me, my lord?" he asked.**

 **"Because you are ruthless, Grimmjow."**

 **"But why not one more capable, such as him?" He indicated his superior colleague who stood to one side of the room.**

* * *

 _Grimmjow: Hey! You totally changed it!_

 _Ulquiorra: That's the point; I corrected it._

 _Grimmjow: No, you_ changed _it. You made me sound like ... like you!_

 _Ulquiorra: I improved it._

 _Grimmjow: You can't just rewrite what someone else wrote! That's ... that's ... copying someone else's work!_

 _Ulquiorra: Plagiarism?_

 _Grimmjow: Yeah, that! And if you do that, you definitely can't change it!_

 _Ulquiorra: ..._

 _Aizen: Grimmjow, perhaps you'd like to take the next chapter and correct grammar yourself?_

 _Grimmjow: *Cringes.* Nah, I'll pass._

* * *

 _Author's Note: This was just a little thought I had for fun. I have a few other similar chapters in mind. If you enjoyed it and/or have questions or suggestions for the Espada to cover, please leave a review and let me know. Also, I do plan to finish "Purpose", but the next chapter is being a real pain.  
_


	2. Homonyms

_**Homonyms**_

* * *

 _*~Szayelapporo Grantz~*_

Welcome, writers, and prepare your pathetic minds for the infusion of perfection that is _my_ teaching. Although your feeble attempts will never reach the pinnacle of perfection that you should always crave, yet you should continue to attempt it. Always be ready to learn from your mistakes, because, I assure you, you _will_ continue to make mistakes. We can't _all_ be perfect.

Ahem. Now, today we will talk about homonyms. These are words that sound the same when spoken but appear differently when written. It is simply horrific how so many writers cannot tell the difference between three completely dissimilar words. In particular, and our examples for today, are the words "peek," "peak," and "pique."

* * *

 _Nnoitra: You're just making up words._

 _Szayel: No, I'm not. You'd be surprised how many times Fan Fiction writers use each of these._

 _Nnoitra: I've never seen anyone use the last one._

 _Szayel: That's because most of them use one of the first two when they mean the last one. That's the point of this lesson._

 _Nnoitra: *Snorts.* Whatever. Everyone knows what they mean._

 _Szayel: ... shut up and go away._

* * *

Now, our first example, "peek," is usually a verb, and it means to sneak a glance at something or someone furtively, especially from a hiding place where the object being viewed doesn't notice the viewer.

* * *

 _Nnoitra: You mean like what Gin does all the time with his cameras?_

 _Gin: I'm not peeking; I'm watching. It's completely different._

 _Nnoitra: How is that different?_

 _Szayel: Both of you shut up! I'm teaching here._

* * *

"Peek" can also be a noun: to take a peek at something. This is similar to "peak" in that it can also be both a noun and a verb. The difference is that "peak" is usually a noun and "peek" is usually a verb. "Peak" refers to the highest point of something: you can say that a character reached the mountain peak, or that his excitement peaked at a certain point in a battle.

The last word is the most important; this word is the single most abused word in Fan Fiction-dom, with how seldom it is used! I can't begin to list all of the times where someone has used the word "peak" or "peek" when they meant "pique!" In fact, the correct usage is so rare that I will automatically like a story more, even if everything else about the story is terrible, if the author simply manages to _just once_ use "pique" correctly.

* * *

 _Nnoitra: Passionate about this one, are we?_

 _Szayel: Shut up! You have no idea of the pain I have endured in having to actually_ read _some of these stories in preparation for what should be a_ very simple _lesson! The pain! The agony!_

 _Gin: *Snickers* You were reading some of the steamier stories about yourself and Nnoitra, weren't you?_

 _Szayel: I WAS NOT!_

 _Nnoitra: Wait, what? What do they write about us?_

 _Szayel: Nothing! Back to the lesson._

* * *

You've all doubtless read the turn of phrase where something "piqued his interest." The word to use is pique! It means to provoke or ignite an emotion! You can't "peek" someone's interest. It doesn't even make sense! Don't you people use dictionaries?!

* * *

 _Aizen: Calm down, Szayel._

 _Szayel: *Pant* Yes, Lord Aizen. *Clears throat.*_

* * *

So that is our lesson for the day. Just because words sound the same when spoken doesn't mean that they are in the least related to one another in meaning. "Peek" means to look at something and can be a verb or noun. "Peak" means the pinnacle of something and can also be a noun or a verb. "Pique" means to arouse or stimulate, and it is ONLY ever a verb! Don't mix them up!

* * *

 _Ulquiorra: Actually, "pique" can also be a noun. If a person feels pique, it means that he feels irritation._

 _Szayel: ..._

 _Ulquiorra: ..._

 _Szayel: I hate all of you._

* * *

 _A/N: I feel like Szayel would be a very boring teacher myself. Either Nnoitra or Grimmjow will be up next. :)  
_


	3. Perspectives

_**Perspectives**_

 _*~Nnoitra Gilga~*_

Alright, you pathetic losers, sit down and shut up. If I have to read your stupid stories, then you have to listen to me ripping them apart! First off, I don't know nothing about grammar, so I ain't talking about that. I'm talking about fight scenes and how some of you idiots don't know how to write them. You can't go jumping around in the middle of a fight, trying to say what everybody's thinking all at once. It's confusing! Pick one fighter and stick with him. Show what he's thinking, and ignore the loser he's fighting.

* * *

 _Gin: What if the fighter is a her, not a him?_

 _Nnoitra: Then it'd be a stupid fight, and no one would want to read it!_

* * *

Okay, so here's the steaming pile I found that some joker decided to actually publish:

 **Ichigo panted looking at his oponent with a little fear. He knew that he had to defeat the tall espada. He just didn't know how. he was giving it everything he had but it wasn't enough.**

 **Nnoitra leered down at the red head in front of him. He knew the teenager was getting tired and he wouldn't be able to keep fighting long. It was kind of sad thought Nnoitra. He was just starting to have fun.**

 **Ichigo braced himself as he looked for an opening. He had to win. He had to.**

See what I mean? See how it jumps back and forth and back and forth? You need to stick with one person and stop throwing your reader around like a ball, bouncing from one idiot brain to another.

* * *

 _Szayel: I think that the word you want is perspective: stop jumping from one perspective to another. Pick one point of view, and stay-_

 _Nnoitra: You already taught your lesson! This is mine! Let me do it my way!_

 _Szayel: You're not doing a very good job._

 _Nnoitra: At least my class ain't falling asleep!_

* * *

Now, here's how you should write a proper fight. And before anyone asks, no, Ulquiorra did NOT help me with grammar and punctuation and that garbage, and if he says he did, he's a liar!

* * *

 _Gin: Where is Ulquiorra?_

 _Nnoitra: He had a ... mission ... from Aizen. He'll be back later._

* * *

So, here's how the moron should have written it:

 **Ichigo panted, viewing his opponent with trepidation. He knew that he had to defeat Nnoitra. He wasn't sure how; he was already giving everything that he had, but it simply wasn't enough.**

 **The substitute Shinigami watched as the tall Espada leered down at him, clearly sensing the other's weariness. He could tell that Nnoitra was just waiting for him to finally run out of strength. True, the other would likely be disappointed that the fight was over so quickly, but that wouldn't stop him from killing Ichigo when it was.**

 **Rallying his waning strength, Ichigo braced himself, gripping his sword and looking for an opening. He had to win. He couldn't allow himself to lose.**

* * *

 _Gin: ..._ You _wrote that?_

 _Nnoitra: 'Course I did! What? You think I can't write?_

 _Szayel: Why didn't you write it from your perspective?_

 _Nnoitra: Because ... uh ... because I wanted it this way._

* * *

So that's how you write a fight scene. And it's how you write any other scene too. Don't jump back and forth all over the place. Pick one guy and stick with him. You want to show what the other guy is thinking? Give him his own scene! And whenever you have me fight, always write me winning, 'cause otherwise it's wrong.

* * *

 _ **A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! I'm glad that people are enjoying this. I hope that it's not too confusing with all of the breaks.  
**_


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